The End of a Chapter

The boys went to their first day of school Tuesday.  We left that night for a family reunion for the remainder of the week, but there will be more on that later.  I was so busy getting things packed that I didn't have a chance to blog about that landmark of a day.  However, I did jot a few things down while I was in the car.  So while I'm not done blogging about our summer and while this post it a few days late, here it is nonetheless.

August 12th:
Today my youngest started 1st grade.  This means that all of my boys are now in school ALL day long.  How can this possibly be?  The time of dirty diapers, tantruming toddlers, Dora the Explorer, story time at the library, Park Days, and snuggles during quiet time are officially over.  Just like that.  This is a time that all mother's dream of, a time that we feel sometimes can't come quite fast enough.  Imagine, a whole day to yourself where your time is not dictated by the whims of your little people.  Well, this day has come for me, and as I watched by 3 boys march onto the bus this morning, instead of a liberating feeling I felt a lump in my throat, butterflies in my stomach, and a hole in my heart.  Did I make the most of my time with them while I had them all to myself?  Have I been a good enough mother?  What will I ever do without my Chasey Bubs to chat and giggle with during the day, to have those little arms thrown around my neck in a hug?  And again, how can I possibly be done with that stage of my life?  I don't feel ready for it to end, and yet I am looking forward to what the new chapter will bring.  I know I'll continue to stay busy, and the thoughts of spending time on some things I've put on hold does sound exciting.  But it is hard to let go.  What a conundrum.  What a peculiar place to be.